The Space Between Us Read online

  ‘Well, that one could smell a profit a mile away. She made a killing on her own business,’ Finbarr said.

  Billy found it interesting that not one person seemed to question why Eve was helping Ben. Instead he listened to everyone talk about what a wonderful marriage his friend had had, what a good man he had been and how he had landed on his feet the day he had met Fiona.

  When he walked over to Fiona to sit with her for a while she was pleasant, but worried that it was all too much for Ben’s mother.

  ‘Did you know the woman he was with?’ she asked Billy.

  ‘Vaguely,’ he said. ‘They were together for only a very short time when they were kids.’

  ‘She was going to invest in the business, but I’d rather pay off our creditors and close the business down. We have good insurance. It would be a clean start. Do you think that’s callous?’

  Billy didn’t know Fiona very well – he’d only met her once before when Ben and she had visited him and his family in Chicago while they were on a road trip. It was during that trip that Ben had unburdened himself about Eve.

  ‘I don’t think it’s callous at all,’ he said.

  ‘Do you think Eve will be disappointed?’

  Why is she asking me this? Does she suspect? Does she think I know something? Why ask me? Why would she care? ‘I think she’s a businesswoman who has had many deals scuppered for lesser reasons than an old friend’s death,’ he said.

  Fiona’s eyes leaked. ‘I’m leaving here. I don’t know where I’m going but I can’t stay.’

  Billy nodded. There wasn’t much he could say. Ben’s mother hadn’t spoken once during his brief time sitting with her and when he addressed her she looked right through him as though he was invisible. There was no escape for her. Before Billy made a break for it, he told Fiona he’d miss his old friend greatly.

  ‘If someone had told me I’d only have him for ten years I’d still have married him,’ she said.

  ‘I know he’d feel the same,’ Billy said, and he wasn’t lying, because aside from Ben’s infatuation with Eve he remembered the guy who had come to Chicago, bounced out of an RV and introduced him to his beautiful wife. He was grinning, hugging her close. When she moved his eyes followed, and when she spoke he smiled. He couldn’t keep his hands off her, much to Billy’s second wife’s annoyance. ‘She’s a person not a goddamn puppy!’

  Billy surveyed the large room filled with people who Ben’s life had touched. He accepted that today would be the true end of his friend Ben Logan. And despite Ben’s feelings for a girl who had broken his heart when he was a teenager, she was now a forgotten footnote. Thanks to her lie, that was where she would remain. He bore his own guilt silently. If he had never mentioned Eve, and if he had kept secret the day they had spent together in A&E after Ben had run out on her, his friend wouldn’t have contacted her and he wouldn’t have been hit by that drunk – but he had deserved to know the truth and Eve deserved the truth to be told. Billy had been twenty-one and too young to know what to do for the best back then. Eve made him promise to keep their day together a secret. She had made a lot of sense when she told him that her relationship with Ben wouldn’t survive London and that it was better to leave things as they were. She was trying to be brave and do the right thing, but if Billy could have had his time again he would have told Ben straight away, then maybe things would have turned out differently. I’m sorry, old friend. RIP.

  During the second week of Eve’s recovery Lily was off duty but used many excuses to come and go from the hospital. Her husband found her most attentive: she brought him packed lunches and dropped in to see if he needed any dry cleaning picked up.

  ‘You could have phoned.’

  ‘I was passing.’

  She’d spend twenty minutes with her husband before heading down to her ward and spending an hour with Eve. It was a different dynamic when she came as a visitor. They talked about everything and anything, filling one another in on the years that they had missed. Clooney would show up most days and the three would talk about their happy childhood spent together – Lily, the missing Hayes, had come home. Danny would have loved to see her again. If only I’d got knocked down last year, Eve thought. An unspoken pact between the girls meant that they would never speak of the night that had cemented the end of their friendship, but other than that everything was on the table.

  Lily told Eve about the birth of her kids. ‘Horrifying. Hence only two kids and Daisy was a mistake. I cried for the first month.’ She told Eve about her house and her need to have everything in its place. ‘Scott thinks I have OCD.’

  ‘He’s right. When you were a kid you used to line up the towels on the rack like the psychopath in Sleeping With the Enemy.’

  Lily told Eve about her job. ‘I realized that Mrs Moriarty wanted me to be a doctor more than I did.’

  ‘Who was Mrs Moriarty?’

  ‘Our guidance counsellor.’

  ‘I don’t remember her.’

  ‘That’s because you knew exactly what you wanted to do and wouldn’t take any guidance from anyone.’

  ‘Oh, right. Well, you’re an excellent nurse, probably the best nurse in the world.’ She smiled when Lily raised her arms in the air and bowed. ‘And you seem to like it. Do you?’

  ‘Yeah,’ Lily said. ‘Nursing has been my escape.’ As soon as she said it she knew she’d said the wrong thing. Damn it.

  ‘Escape?’

  ‘From the house, the kids and the neighbours, who use me when they want something but never remember to invite me to their coffee mornings – the usual,’ she said, careful not to include her husband in the mix.

  ‘Ah,’ Eve said. ‘That’s because they’re jealous bitches.’

  Lily laughed again, pleased she’d dealt with her slip, but also because that was something the old Eve would have said. ‘I hardly think that’s the case,’ she said.

  ‘It’s exactly the case,’ Eve said. ‘In most rooms you’re probably the best-looking woman in there by a mile, with your tiny little frame, your lovely skin, big brown eyes and silky hair. You’re heading for forty and you look fourteen. You’re funny, sweet, kind, warm, intelligent and every middle-aged-woman-battling-the-bulge-and-trying-to-hold-on-to-her-husband’s nightmare.’

  ‘You’re a middle-aged woman – how come I don’t get on your nerves?’

  ‘Because even with a face full of stitches I’m better-looking than you. I do have the personality of a storm trooper so you’d have me there but I have no man for you to rob – plus I know something they don’t.’

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘You’re loyal to the point of self-sacrifice.’

  They were both silent for a minute or two. Then Eve resurrected the question about nursing.

  ‘So, aside from escape and your sheer brilliance, is nursing where you want to be?’

  ‘You know I always liked beauty. Hair and makeup, maybe for fashion shows and photography – that was the real dream if I hadn’t been so dumb as not to follow it.’

  ‘I remember Girls’ World,’ Eve said, ‘and you insisted on doing my hair all the time.’

  ‘You had such beautiful hair.’

  ‘And it’s not beautiful now?’ Eve laughed.

  ‘It’s short.’

  ‘So are you.’

  Lily laughed. ‘I used to do Daisy’s all the time but she won’t let me near her now.’

  ‘God, now I think about it, when we were younger that was all you used to talk about. In fact, when my mother got sick you used to come over and insist on brushing her hair once a week. I talked about designing clothes and you’d talk about doing hair and makeup! Then it all changed. Why?’

  ‘I got the best Intercert exam results the school had ever seen and Mrs Moriarty told me a girl with my intelligence should do more with my life, like medicine.’

  ‘You were always open to suggestion.’

  ‘And you certainly benefited from that,’ Lily said, remembering the many times Eve had talke
d her into acts of insanity all in the name of fun.

  ‘You never wanted to be a doctor – that was Declan’s dream. You wanted to be a wife and mother and nursing was a good option. It kept you close to him and you could breeze through it and earn more quickly.’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘It used to make sense but now your kids are nearly grown-up.’

  ‘Daisy’s only twelve.’

  ‘All I’m saying is, if it’s still the dream why not go for it?’

  ‘Because life’s not that simple, Eve.’

  ‘No one’s saying it is. The right decisions are usually the hardest. I’m only suggesting a beauty course, not exiling yourself on an island.’

  Lily was silent for a while, thinking about what Eve had said. I could do it. I know I could. If I knew I was set to leave this earth soon, would I do it all differently?

  On another day Eve told Lily about her time in London, Paris and New York.

  ‘Amazing?’ Lily asked.

  ‘Sometimes.’

  ‘You must have met incredible people.’

  ‘Ah, people are people.’

  ‘Come on, tell me one fabulous thing.’

  Eve thought about it for a minute and sighed. ‘I had sex with a few movie stars, a rock star and a politician. He was a kinky one.’

  ‘You are joking.’

  ‘His wife videotaped it.’

  ‘Ah, come on!’

  ‘We watched it back afterwards over pizza and wine. They were a lovely couple, and it was a great night, but when they were drunk enough I recorded some talk show over it because my arse looked huge and nobody wants that.’

  ‘Are you joking?’ Lily asked.

  ‘No. I swear.’

  ‘Who was it?’ Lily was nearly falling out of her chair she was leaning so far forward.

  ‘Can’t say.’

  ‘Ah, come on!’

  ‘Lean in.’

  Lily leaned in.

  Eve whispered a name.

  Lily’s jaw dropped. ‘No fudging way!’

  Eve nodded.

  ‘I’ve heard it all now.’

  Eve laughed. You haven’t even heard the half of it.

  Clooney would tell the girls stories about his time in exotic and troubled locations.

  ‘Do you ever get tired of it?’ Lily asked.

  ‘All the time,’ he admitted.

  ‘Tell her about the plane crash,’ Eve said.

  ‘Ah. Now. What?’ Lily said, bracing herself.

  ‘We were flying in a six-seater turboprop plane and about to land just outside New Orleans. The plane came up short of the runway, we hit an embankment, lost the right wing and propeller, but luckily everyone survived. The worst injury was a broken leg.’

  ‘Clooney didn’t have so much as a scratch, and he helped three people out before the plane burst into flames,’ Eve said.

  ‘Of course you were the hero of the piece!’ Lily said, smiling.

  Clooney hunched. ‘Like Eve said, I wasn’t injured so if I’d stood around it would have made me a really big dick.’

  ‘What’s he saying about a big dick?’ Beth shouted at Anne.

  ‘Nothing. None of your business. Let him talk,’ Anne said, and waved at Lily, Eve and Clooney, who nodded and waved back.

  ‘Any news on my private room?’ Eve whispered to Lily.

  ‘I’m working on it,’ she said.

  Over the first three days of Eve’s second week in hospital, the trio talked about their past, their present and their hopes for the future. Clooney and Eve were on the cusp of life-changing decisions. He talked about what he would do and where he would go, but Eve was vague, which wasn’t like her. Lily listened, while fantasizing about making a drastic change in her own life.

  When Eve was feeling really blue, Lily could walk through the door and cheer her up.

  ‘Take your head out of your arse! Isn’t that what you Americans say?’

  ‘We both know I’m not American.’

  ‘Really? Then what’s with the twang?’

  ‘I don’t have a twang!’

  ‘Oh yes you do!’ Clooney agreed. Then he went on to slag off his sister for having some kind of Cockney accent when she was in London and a serious French lilt when she lived in Paris. Lily joined in, remembering how Eve had talked like she’d swallowed a bucket of spit the one summer they’d spent learning Irish on a small island off the coast of Cork.

  No matter how sad or bad Eve felt, Clooney and Lily could make her laugh and, most importantly, laugh at herself.

  In the middle of that second week Lindsay was moved into a care home.

  ‘Goodbye to you all. Tell the blonde she’s invited to my party, but the others can stay at home,’ she said to the nurse, who was helping her into her wheelchair.

  ‘Ah, blow it out your arse!’ Anne said, as Lindsay waved from bed to bed as though she was the Queen and those around her were common folk standing behind barricades waving flags and hoping for a smile.

  Anne went home a day later. She insisted on being wheeled up to Eve. She took her hand. ‘You’ll be all right, chicken,’ she said. ‘You have your brother and your friend. You’re not alone any more.’

  ‘Thanks, Anne.’

  ‘And, chicken, don’t make a habit of sleeping with married men – even if they don’t die on you it leads to nothing but heartbreak.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘And, chicken …’

  ‘Yes, Anne?’

  ‘Tell that bisexual I’m glad he picked the right team.’

  ‘No intention of it, Anne,’ she said.

  Anne laughed and waved, and then she was gone, leaving Eve with Beth and two new women she didn’t have time to get to know: a private room had become available and she was moved into it.

  ‘’Bye, Beth!’ Eve said, as a nurse wheeled her away.

  ‘Are you going home, love?’ Beth asked.

  ‘No, moving into a private room.’

  ‘Oh, good! It would be a crime to let you go – you’re still in an awful way.’

  Eve had been in her new room for six days when the physio started on her shoulder. It was agonizing and would go on for the rest of her stay. Every day for forty minutes, simple stretching and resistance exercises became torture. Eve would count down the hours and minutes until the physiotherapist Mica came to her room. She’d take a deep breath and they’d begin. The pain was immense but after some coaching and cajoling she’d push through, often crying during the session. Mica was nice but stern, and took no prisoners.

  ‘I know it hurts but if you want your shoulder to work again you’ve got to do this.’

  ‘I don’t. It’s fine. One good arm will do.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous – now push against me.’

  After physio was concluded Eve received two painkilling pills, the dread lifted and her day would begin. She’d read books, stare at daytime TV, sleep when she could, read more books and watch more TV. Visitors broke the monotony. Gina would come most days when the kids were in school. She brought little gifts of cheesecake, homemade banana bread and colourful cupcakes. Eve didn’t eat cheesecake, banana bread or cupcakes when she wasn’t confined to bed and feeling like a beached whale, certainly not when she was. The nurses appreciated them and looked forward to Gina’s arrival. She talked about the kids, the price of things and general news. Occasionally she’d bring up Paul and his impending nuptials. Gar had taken the news of Paul’s bisexuality badly. He couldn’t understand why his friend had spent so much time lying to himself and others. Gar felt let down. He looked at Paul and saw a stranger. All these years. He thought about the things he had told Paul about himself and Gina and the things they got up to in the bedroom. He would never have done that if he hadn’t believed Paul was on another bus. Jesus Christ, he might have been imagining her and me and him. Ah, for fuck … Gina was worried because Gar had been avoiding Paul and, aside from a few workmates who liked to play rugby every week in the summer, he didn’t really have friends.r />
  ‘He’ll come around,’ Eve had said, one particularly nice day when the sun was beating through the window and she was sweating like a pig. Her headaches were getting worse. Nothing like being stuck in an overheated stuffy hospital to give a girl a headache.

  Lily ran in, having had lunch with her husband, and Gina nearly fell over in a bid to get up and hug her. Lily was happy to see Gina but she felt a little awkward that there was an elephant in the room and Gina wasn’t as good at avoiding it as she and Eve had been.

  ‘Where the hell did you go?’ Gina asked.

  ‘Ah, you know.’

  ‘No, I don’t know.’

  ‘Cork, then here.’

  ‘Why have you never come home?’

  ‘Oh, we settled in Dalkey.’

  ‘Yes, very posh, but only down the road so why have we not seen you?’

  ‘Down the road might as well be America when you’ve got two kids,’ Eve said helpfully.

  Gina laughed. ‘I hear that. I’ve got two as well – they’re younger than yours. You must have had Scott straight away.’

  Eve had told Gina all about Lily’s children. Usually Eve didn’t like people’s stories about kids – as fascinating as they thought they were, they usually weren’t – but Lily could always tell a good story and her kids seemed funny, if not a little spoilt. Lily agreed that she did get pregnant very early on, in fact she’d conceived on the honeymoon, but that had always been her plan so it was a very welcome development.

  Gina wasn’t letting go. ‘I still don’t understand why you never came home.’

  ‘My mother preferred to visit us.’

  ‘But it’s your hometown.’

  ‘Look, Inspector Clouseau, some people move and keep on moving,’ Lily said.

  ‘OK, OK,’ Gina said, with her hands up. ‘We just missed you, that’s all.’

  Lily had missed them too. She nipped in on the Friday evening when Declan was away at a conference in London. Paul, Clooney, Gina and Gar were there. Gar was subdued, having been made to visit by his wife. He didn’t want to see Paul, and he couldn’t have cared less about Lily, who’d abandoned him the first chance she’d got. Paul wasn’t one for making a fuss. He pretended he didn’t notice Gar’s mood, which he figured he’d get over soon enough, and he’d never really minded about Lily and Declan’s defection. People do what they do. He just got Lily a chair and told her it was good to see her. ‘How’s Declan?’ he asked.